how about a text-only post? hmm? something new and different for this very boring blog. i say very boring not to be cool and self-deprecating. i actually look at my posts and think "man, this is really boring. and these pictures are crappy, to boot." anyways, i figured that it made sense to write down some of my first impressions of berlin before i forget and i get home and everyone asks 'how was berlin?!?! isn't it the coolest place ever?!?!' etc. and i go 'uh, yea, it was fun.' that way i can go back and re-read this before my flight home to prepare. i suppose unless you're a) a personal friend of mine or b) a regular reader of this blog, you probably don't find what i have to say particularly interesting, and won't read on. but that's ok with me. i came to berlin expecting it be a cooler, cheaper new york. i was totally wrong. well, not totally. but pretty much wrong. and from talking to other people here, either people in the program or people in the city that have spent time in new york, this is a really common misconception. it seems that everyone has it. i don't know if this is because berlin has become a very hip place for young people, or if it's because of stupid articles like this one (which 7 people have emailed to me today) that basically paint the picture of a totally unpretentious, cheap, and hip city that we can all flock to and take over and talk about how great it is, but whatever the reason, it seems to be the case that berlin is an escape for new yorkers that are either broke or tired of the new york social scene/art world/celebrity culture/etc., and they just want something that is basically the same but where they're cooler than everyone else, and don't have to try so hard, or something. that sounds really obnoxious, i think, and also makes it sound like i wasn't in some way thinking that way before i got here. so before i go further i'll say that i consider myself in the same boat along with everyone else. the reality is that berlin is pretentious in different ways, just like paris and rome and london and every other major urban area on the planet is pretentious. it's just a cultural quality of industrial areas, where everyone needs to protect themselves from the dangers of the city (we've been reading simmel in my literature class, ok). the pretension here stems mostly, i think, from a lasting cultural xenophobia (as i understand it, and someone can correct me if i'm wrong, up until very recently germany simply refused to acknowledge their status as an immigrant nation, which, as one example, causes a lot of problems between the turks and germans here in berlin). for all of the hype that berlin gets as 'the new nyc,' i get more vicious looks here than anywhere else i've ever been. i know that i look like a hipster, whatever, and i also know that in new york i'm one among many, whereas here i in some ways stand out, if not only because masculinity here is far more pronounced and far more uniform, but it still surprises me when people vocalize their disgust with me. it was worst when dan was here, because people assume we're a couple, and almost every group of german youth would give us a look of death. that's fine; we're seen as the enemy, the people that are building american apparels. but it's a very important quality of the city. getting back to my main point: my expection of a new nyc was wrong because all of that hype is entirely on the surface of the city. yes, there is an american apparel; yes, you see kids that look like the ones in vice germany. but the majority of berlin has nothing to do with that at all, and it makes me feel guilty, because i feel like i'm part of the problem (i am). berlin is incredibly non-materialistic, non-superficial, and very laid back. it sounds banal but it's as simple as how many parks there are. i started to recognize it the most when we started going out a lot. one sunday a few weeks ago i ran into tiffany, who lives and works here, and she was making fun of me for basically embarrassing myself completely by dancing my ass off at scala the night before. i said it was because i hadn't been to a place like that in years (the last time was in montreal in high school), and she said, 'yea, because there aren't places like that in new york.' her friends asked what going out in new york was like, and we both sort of agreed that it's about seeing and being seen. which it is. i mean, yea, you have fun with your friends, and all that. but there's always that edge of 'am i cool enough, is this place cool enough,' that tints most of my experience in new york social circles, be it a wednesday at lit or a deitch opening. there is something fun about it, about the competition, but it totally ruins the experience at the end of the day. and here in berlin, nobody cares. for one, i haven't seen a single photographer at any party we've been to. that makes more of a difference than i realized. people go out to go out, and dance until 7AM, and be completely sweaty and gross, and it doesn't matter because everyone else is doing it too. sometimes at scala you'll see a young couple that is probably from williamsburg walk into the main room, wearing trenchcoats and dior and wingtips, and they look around and sort of realize they're the odd ones out. and that sounds mean, and accusatory, but i'm just trying to point out that there is this sense of everyone being equal at clubs and bars which is incredibly refreshing. another example: jake and i were biking around yesterday and stumbled across this huge beach party, along the spree. maybe 200 people, all drunk as hell or on e and ketamine, dancing like idiots at 3PM on a sunday. and at first i laugh and think it's really kitschy, and incredibly german, but then i realize that even though it is all those things, it's coming from a really genuine place. and who cares? we stayed for a while and it was fun. there are still a lot of things about new york that i miss every day that i'm here. i miss the energy of the city. berlin is not alive and buzzing like new york. there are times that we've gone home, taken the subway and walked the 10 minutes back to the apartments, and not seen a single person. there are definitely pockets of that energy, at art openings or parties, or times of it, like during the citywide music festival over the weekend, but for the most part people keep to themselves and are not required to have the same kind of random interactions that you have dozens of times a day in new york. people rarely speak on the subway. people stare, but nobody eye-fucks each other like in new york. we get looks for being 'loud americans' because that's what we are. again, this is partly because of a lack of diversity here. i miss that a lot. it makes it very difficult to feel connected to the city. also, because things are so spread out, it is very difficult to find your way around. thankfully berlin is very bike-friendly and so i'm starting to find my way around that way. you just have to start wandering. at first i felt very uncomfortable here, because of those misconceptions. i wasn't able to photograph at all, i didn't like it, it felt very strange, i didn't like feeling like an outsider, etc. etc. etc. but i realized that, because berlin has yet to be totally gentrified by new york/la/etc., there are all different types of circles that you can be involved in. i always get frustrated in new york because, even though it allows everyone to be anonymous to an extent, you always end up running into someone you know or regardless of the party you go to everyone knows everyone. i'm not making much sense but i hope you know what i mean. here in berlin you can attach yourself to that, to the art world social circle that is probably pretty small just like new york (as the nytimes makes it out to be), but you can also immerse yourself in something very genuinely german, like a sunday afternoon techno party. and i know that you can do that in new york too, that there is always something weird going on somewhere, probably in brooklyn, but i think the difference is that when you do something different in new york, whether it's a party you wouldn't otherwise go to or a park all day, it's almost always an escape. and here, because there's not that overwhelming and constant stress of working constantly (a lot of people here work only a few days a week), and managing your friendships and what openings you're going to and who's gonna be at which party, when you do something different it's just something different. it doesn't feel like an escape. i guess when it comes right down to it, berlin isn't trying to be anything more than itself. in new york, and la too (although i can't say for sure, because i haven't spent a ton of time there), people are always trying so so so hard to be cool. young people at least. and it's not about being in one scene, i know not everyone is trying to go to art openings; people have different ideas about cool. but i don't get that sense here. people are pretty comfortable with themselves, it seems. i think i'm losing my train of thought, so i'll hold off for now. to be continued, probably... -collin end of commercial break